One might wonder why somebody whom has resigned from the Matrix, and
then subsequently removed himself from it, would want to waste any
time fooling with the “interweb” (as my wife calls it). It would
seem rather contradictory to quit the Matrix only to return to it.
This blog is nothing if it's not a signal that I am broadcasting into
it. “Hey agents, look over here,” is essentially what keeping a
blog such as this one is doing. I can say a few things about that
last point. The truth is that ever since I resigned from the navy,
where I was employed (if you want to call it that) as a nuclear
engineer, by way of missing ships movement and smoking all manner of
herbs while UA (unauthorized absence), I've been on the radar, or
list, or computer logarithm that concerns itself with all things
command and control. Simply put, they've had their eyes on me ever
since I was severed from the navy. As a side note, shortly before
they severed me from the USN they sent my ass into solitary
confinement for three days of bread and water in a class Charlie
federal penitentiary in Bangor Washington. I'm not saying I've done
hard time, or that I'm a convict, like is depicted for the newfangled
myth of our time by the likes of Michael Schofield from Prison Break
(he's the new MacGuiver, ), I just find it a particularly qualifying bit of personal past history.
My point is that they've been watching me since 2002 when I exited
the navy. I had a classified clearance, which doesn't really mean
shit seeing as how nuclear power ain't exactly a big secret these
days. So while keeping this blog doesn't exactly help the cause for
my broadcast blackout, I find it severely important as a service to
humanity to help as many people as possible in learning the skills
that are necessary for successful exit from the Matrix. Once you
exit, your new life in the real world begins. That is where the hard
work, although good work, comes in. Because it's not exactly as
though we have many sane elders left any longer. That is a grave
problem with severe consequences that are all tangled up with the
iron bar to the collective head of modern society.
You know those pesky laws of thermodynamics that I spent so much
time acquainting myself with while studying to be a nuke? Which, as another detour from my point, I got
shanghied into...I joined to be a deep sea diver and was
flamboozled into standing ten feet next to a reactor looking through
a periscope at the reactor once an hour during my five hour watch.
All while launching jets off of the flight deck around the clock in
response to the conspiracy that was 911...the great pretext to pounce
on all of the oil in the middle east. Peak Oil anyone? Like the
Government is clueless about PO. People who believe that shit are
quit literally, as in very real, Zombies. Watch as you drive
around...they can be seen walking, if you can believe that, on the
side of roads and interstates these days. These ain't the hippies of
yore either...they're vets recently returned from the desert where
they busied themselves shooting women and babies in the face at point
blank range. They're heavily medicated and unemployable waste
generated by the military industrial complex that we were warned
about. Do you actually believe that people can come back from that
kind of shit and be anything resembling sane? If you believe that
then stop reading now cause I'm not talking to you.
So back to the task at hand. Why am I keeping this blog active? In
the risk analysis one must do, where exposure to the Matrix is
concerned, the first check is “no longer broadcasting a signal into
the Matrix via internet.” Well, I've already demonstrated why it
doesn't change much for me. They know where I'm at, have known since
the summer of 2002, and they know what I'm doing. I am exposing
myself like this because I promised I wouldn't give up hope in my
fellow man. That being the case, I need to help if and when I can.
I've been a writer my entire life. When I was in the first and
second grade (I think...might have been 3rd and fourth) I
had to go to a reading and writing therapist...I think that's what he
was called. I was behind in reading and writing for my age. I've
been writing ever since and I was around 8 years old at the time.
How's that for irony. Add to the fact that I recently found out that
my half brother has Asperger's Syndrome which is carried by the
father and he's my father's son. I took an online test and scored
70% in the affirmative. John Michael Greer, who's work I study, and
whose organization I'm a member of (Ancient Order of Druids in
America), and whom pretty much informs my current view of all things
Druid, has it himself. If you connect enough dots it gets rather
obvious what I'm getting at. Now, it must be said, that within that
Syndrome, which is a very high functioning autism, I'm on the high
functioning end of that. I believe I am particularly cut out for the
job of liberating minds from this dying paradigm, this illusion, this
hologram, this particular American Dream in this paricular
Anti-Culture that is in the beginning stages of the compost heap.
It's starting to heat up ain't it.
All of that to say this...I'm a leader. I've always been a leader,
but all good leaders must also follow. I do that as well. I'm
surfing this wave that will crash onto an island of hope and
prosperity for nature and man. The work that needs to be done right
now is the work of getting nature and man back on an even keel with
one another. The consequences of Man's actions for the last couple
hundred of years is beginning to mature into unavoidablity. We have
to begin doing the work of crafting hope in the world. I believe
Permaculture takes the Lion's share of that work for me, but an
actual living spirituality is just as important. My particular path
is Druidry. I consider myself a Druid because the truth is that I
initiated myself last Alban Arthuan. I'm waving this flag because
John Michael Greer is something like my Merlin.
I'm my own individual, just as my wife is, and just as you are. I'm
broadcasting this signal into the Matrix because I've been called to
do it by fate, destiny, and now will. It's an unavoidable part of
where I'm going by necessity. Quit honestly, it's going to take
magic to successfully deal with the future we are already in whether
you want to believe it or not. I have faith that I will successfully
navigate my way into the future. I don't know when I will blog
again, and probably never on a schedule. I'm doing a lot of studying
these days, but also a lot of doing in the World (specifically
permaculture), and there's the matter of my son Ayden Zen that I must
tend to on a daily basis. I will occasionally shout into the Matrix
via this blog.
So here it goes...I am, and will continue defying the
Matrix. I am doing it successfully. I'm typing this now to confirm
that it does work. You can resign from the matrix, and if you follow
your bliss, you will succeed. However, you must be ready to be
attacked on a regular basis by agents. They will be your friends and
your family. They can be anybody and everywhere. You have to be
ready to constantly fend off their misery and remain authentic. It's
very taxing work at times, to stay unplugged as a lifestyle, but it's
necessary for the future of man on this living Earth. If enough of
us do not head the call, the Earth will eventually shake us off like
fleas...or perhaps we'll just irradiate ourselves into Zombies.
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10 comments:
This slammed home. Two years ago, someone suggested I was autistic out of the blue.
I took the test, in spite of my incredulity, and scored a 39. My then GF said that a mutual friend with a Psych. degree had suggested the same after meeting me.
I've since gotten in contact with my bro, whom I had not been in contact with for over a decade and had also self-diagnosed. I am a stereotype of hypo-sensitive autistic going all the way back to elementary school. A trip to a mall, with all its vibrant colors and repetition, puts me in a funk for at least a day. Direct sunlight makes me sneeze uncontrollably, etc. My bro is hypo-sensitive.
Look, I be you to stay in the matrix via online interaction. One benefit of our so called affliction is that, regardless of expression, we share information exhaustively and readily. Most people get caught up in indecipherable ego-driven contexts in ways that we do not.
"Most people get caught up in indecipherable ego-driven contexts in ways that we do not."
This is a very true statement. I understand that this last blog, and others that I have written, could easily come off as egomaniac ranting. It's not, at least not meant to be if it is. One thing I've learned through my study of AS is that the typical Aspie says exactly what he is thinking...you don't have to guess. I've always been that way naturally.
The truth is that I'll never know if I have it. Since I resigned I have no medical insurance. At any rate, an AS diagnosis appears to be very hotly debated in the psych community. I'm not hung up on it, but I do have the family history. There are some things that don't make since however. For instance I don't have a problem with eye contact, and I'm fine in social situations if they are well defined. I tended bar after the navy!! That is a well defined social situation. However I can't stand being in groups of people, and I've always avoided places like the mall. I've always been a loner with only a couple of close friends. I've never been in the "in" crowd in my life. I don't do superficial conversation. I could go on and on.
It's confusing, and I'm trying not to get hung up on it since there is noway I can every "officially" know. However, with the resources I have, and my family history...I'm pretty sure I'm not full of shit on this diagnosis. I think I've just learned to deal with it, and I've done a fine job at that.
The thing is that psychological medical classification is complete bullshit. Check out the Rosenham experiment sometime. The upshot of that event was that psychology moved from a diagnostic discipline, that is a practice that claimed to define platonic meaning, to a classification system, a practice that only laid claim to contextual meaning.
In other words, autism is such a broad categorization of seemingly related behaviors that I don't think it has any merit at all.
Before I left the matrix, I worked at a cutting edge biotechnology company. Physical health science is now following mental health science as a classifier system. Rather than diagnosing a disease as an objective signifier, the game is becoming classifications of biological behavior within a broad class of disease. If you ask the right questions about cancer at the biological level, for example, then it turns out that no two cancers are actually the same. No two cases of acute myeoloid leukemia are actually the same disease at the right resolution, everyone expressed it slightly differently. We were doing biomarkers to study protein pathways through the cells, you can only approximate patient responses to treatment, no two look alike if you ask enough questions.
Given that psych. classifications are entirely ephemeral and context driven, unlike physical diagnosis which are at least directly tied to physically observable phenomena rather than descriptions and categorizations of behavior, it seems to me more likely that its all complete bullshit.
My brother thinks that the spate of autism, including offspring exhibiting the disease have been found with parents that don't have the genes, is a sign that it may be an evolutionary change. I think its an interesting hypothesis, but our potential self-interested ego driven bias is too much of an interference in the sense that we may want to believe that at some level rather than it actually being true. I have always found the notion that collective species' spontaneous change borne of commonly experienced environmental conditions to be more compelling as an explanation of evolutionary change than the notion of individual expression exclusively propagated by sexual reproduction.
One classification of mental state that autism shares is post traumatic stress disorder. It could be that our civilization is so toxic, that we are borne into a state of shell shock.
This kind of stuff is hard to express without a lot of misunderstandings as people load all kinds of unintended meaning onto the notion of evolution. I tend to think we'd all be better off if we evolved toward Vonnegut's vision in Galapagos.
I have other thoughts about mental health, if interested, over here.
Side note, I'm out of the advanced medical research game. Now I'm into permaculture and metal work.
Oh, follow up note.
Why is physical medicine following mental medicine? Because classifiers are really good at doing one thing, matching physical expression and response to drugs. If you can subdivide a single disease into 10 sub diseases, it is far easier to get drug approval for new drugs since you only have to prove effectiveness for your classification of drug.
With 500 different strains of ADD/ETC., you get 500 different strains of FUKITOL pills. Same will be true of physical health, perhaps to far greater benefit.
Thanks for this post. I have long suspected that I had autistic tendencies and when I took the test I got a 34.
I'm basically obsessed with clearly defined communications and spend my whole life banging on about something called 'common sense' which I now realise is simply the ability to see whole systems more clearly rather than focusing narrowly on one aspect on them.
I'm also a peak oil blogger, JMG adherent, druid initiate (though I don't write about it) and permaculture convert.
Notice a pattern emerging?
22BillionEnergySlaves.blogspot.com
Justin: so you are saying that they are getting rich off of poisoning us with the cure? I've been debating the merits of a diagnosis. The question seems to boil down to what's the difference? What's the value in it? All I can say is that there is value, and I think it's found in understanding that there is actually a difference in the way my brain processes reality. It explains a lot of the misunderstandings I've been suffering my entire life. As in being misunderstood. Getting into arguments with my wife and having no idea what the fuck I did wrong. Shit like that. Which of course arguments with a mate are normal the behavior, healthy even, but not because I flew into a scientific explanation that she had no interest in. Five minutes later I'm talking about a neutron life cycle and my wife's ready to beat her brains out. Now I understand that not everybody wants to know the exact cause and effect chain behind why something is the way it is.
Jason: you sound like me, and I think you are correct about the emergent pattern with us. However I'm still skeptical about a 100th permaculture/peak everything/common sense monkey. I've taken to calling common sense uncommon sense for obvious reasons. I'll check out your blog.
Luccid,
My experience tracks with that exactly. I finally understood about a year ago that people read explanations in personal conflict as excuse making, whereas I assume they want to understand why and how I misunderstood or messed up in the interaction for future reference. The closer I am to them, the longer the explanation because the more I want them to know how well I understand how and why I went wrong. Now I try to use silence and verbal explanation judiciously with my wife and it goes a lot better.
5 minutes of explaining how I saw the situation and me feeling like I've really made progress is met with, "Why are you making excuses?"
That leaves me like, "wait, what!?"
In less intimate relations, I often get feedback that I seem aloof, standoffish, or even arrogant, because unless I have something to say to someone in a verbal setting, I remain quiet.
I don't think there are any merits in the diagnosis. The typical mental health diagnosis, such as it is, is an unthinking categorization of behavioral traits for the purpose of prescribing psychoactive drugs to get people back in line. This is exactly how medical research is done these days, most especially in mental health. The thing I am arguing is that the diagnosis itself is meaningless. We could just as well create a clinical 'condition' to categorize people that are extremely socially adept and call it an interrelated disorder.
Think about the incredible range and variety of behaviors that fits under the autie umbrella and ask if it makes sense. My answer is, ultimately, probably not.
Shot in the dark, but - Do you have sensory issues?
Just recovered from a terrible episode of sensory overload today. Sometimes I get extreme auditory and visual sensitivity, my eyes hurt from light, its incredibly intense and luminous white and bluish light and I can hear sounds in every room of the house. I also have very limited sense of taste, sweetness makes me almost sick and I love spicy food, everything else is bland. I tend to like texture more than taste, Asian food is my favorite. I also have almost no sense of smell.
When I was a child, I used to flip out in school and sling desks or chairs around after getting overloaded. Trips to shopping malls or other vibrantly advertising art colored, commercial places tend to drain me within a short period of time.
If there is an Archdruid connection, its that he exhaustively and logically explains his thinking, which is what we also tend to do, so he appeals to us. Many people find exhaustive explanations about historical themes 'pedantic' or boring.
I don't have any sensory problems like you describe. With the exception of being brought to the point of madness by lights in my side and rearview mirrors at night while driving. It's become almost debilitating, but I think that's just an eye problem and not so much a sensory one like you are describing.
I too have to eat spicy foods. I use cayenne pepper like salt on pretty much everything. My main issue is that I can't be in groups of people and be comfortable unless it's well defined.
What I've been hearing is that it really is not important. This whole thing begs the question of what is normal. There is a spectrum of consciousness. At any rate Asberger's was nothing until a psychologist said it was something. I'm not implying that autism is not a real thing, cause it is, I'm just agreeing with you that we can take the spectrum of normal and arbitrarily apply it wherever we want to on that spectrum. In our case it appears that the MSM decides where that distinction will be made. Normal is docile and devoid of critical thought.
I know that it's true that I have always been different than those around me. I've had to learn how to fit in and I can't stand that behavior, so I avoid people. Small talk is like torture to me. I'd rather be alone than engage in that meaningless social behavior...at least that's how I see it, meaningless. So as I said before, if it's true that I'm touched with this, than it explains a lot. That's the value for me I suppose. Because I've spent my entire life trying to figure out why I'm so different from everybody else. As a child I always preferred the company of adults over children. I just felt like they understood me better and related to them better.
The more I think about this, the more it fits. I am concerned about coloring everything with autistic crayons. I'm not going to dwell on the subject. No matter the cause, I know that I am different. I suppose that's as much as I need to know.
I thought of sharing this as my final Facebook status for my personal page. I'm on the verge of just letting my personal notifications pile up, stick with the business pages, and see if I can get away with them allowing me to remain in Facebookland without interacting publicly about myself on my personal page.
Every time I read this...I think that my original thought was a good one.
This particular blog is a beautiful exit post from the Facebook personal profile "matrix."
My main issue is that I can't be in groups of people and be comfortable unless it's well defined.
That was my main issue for a long time, the real issue was the anxiety I felt for feeling that discomfort and lack of connection to people generally. Nice in the abstract, mostly boring in the personal, and somehow taking offense at my disinterest. Once I started putting the pieces together, I settled much more comfortably into my skin. Now I am comfortable around people because I am comfortable being silent unless I have something to say and ignoring meaningless distractions until someone says something interesting. If they don't like it, I don't care, that sort of reaction is meaningless to me.
Small talk... shudder. When I worked in the matrix, I remember occasionally trying to have lunch with coworkers. The conversations revolved around stupid shit they watched on television.
In a structured social environment, like a business meeting with a defined agenda, I am on it. In social environments, I used to do much better if I had a task like serving drinks but that was only because left to my own devices, I'd rather sit and observe, tracking patterns of movement and conversation of those around me. What made that mode of behavior uncomfortable was my self-conscious awareness that this was not 'normal.' Now, I don't care. If someone speaks to me, I'll speak back. I am comfortable because I no longer guess what I am supposed to say or pretend at being genial, I just answer exactly what I think and let them deal with their own reaction.
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